Well done, earthling, for making it this far. Your salient abilities for knowledge or just dump luck have led you to the discovery of our galaxy's governing body, the Federation of the United Cosmic Kind. 

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The Asterisks LaVida Loca Galaxy, or, as you humans call it, the Milky Way Galaxy, is home to 68 civilisations and countless evolving species like you. Our mission is to unite our galaxy, cultivate consciousness and further our understanding of our universe. Through the careful fostering of our developing species and the unified bolstering of our advanced civilisation, our galaxy leads various matter and maxim. 

 

The Federation covers the span of our galaxy. In the universal language of maths, this is 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 km, 100,000 light-years or about 30 kpcs. This might sound big, but given your inflation rate, it is reasonably sized and comparable to most countries' debt, give or take a few decades.

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To save you 13.6 billion years of catch-up, your Documentation Specialist and Complaints Manager, Denja Den, has compiled a detailed rendition of the 69th Contact and the attempted assimilation of the Earth. Your assimilation is still in progress and should launch as soon as we have a literary agent and publisher.  

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In the meantime, you can stay tuned to the Federation news by socialising your media. 

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